Author: dr. Ni Wayan Kertiasih, Sp.KJ
Not only affecting the parents, divorce also has a consequence to their children. During this adaptation phase, a child must be accompanied to understand their life changes and also emotion inside them. If a child facing divorce parents, they could be shock, dissapointed, sad and also angry. Every children has their own way to cope this problem.
Negative effect of divorcing parents towards the children can be ignored by parents. Even though this is not idealized solution for every problem that parents had. It must be considered due to some complex reasons. When the parents force to be together when they can’t be in same way, it can lead a fight between them which is also inhibited their children development.
If a child can through this difficult phase and also accepting in good way, they still can be flexibel and can control stress in their later life. That’s way, the importance of parents to preparing the mental of their children before divorce and also give a good example toward them to solve the problem and pay attention to their needs.
Staying in touch after a divorce can be difficult. However, no matter how difficult it is, parent need to understand and agree that children still need the figures of both parents. This is some steps that parents need to continue to do even though they are divorced:
Parents need to listen what their children felt during this transition phase. Considering their feeling can make them to be respected and also important. Tell the children and validating about their emotion that there is nothing wrong toward their feeling and also give some appropriate response.
- Listening them
It’s not rare that children sometimes need their parents to be together again as a whole family. Rather than blaming the children, parents can try to offer some help that can make they feeling better. For example asking them to have some quality time with you or just hang out in the weekend.
- Not only blaming, but also offering some help
Parent should not denied about the divorce or avoiding this matter from the children. Give the children this information in the right time and tell them even though their parents are separated, their love towards them is still same as before. Nothing change the relationship between parents and their children.
- Give the children information based on fact
- Don’t be shy for asking forgiveness toward the children
It is okay for parents to feel sorry because the divorce hurting the children feeling. The parents can asking for apologize to their children.
The importance thing to tell the children about the separation is that this thing happen not based on their fault. So the children wouldn’t blaming their self for what already occured. If parents still have difficulty to accompany the child facing this process, parents can consult to psychiatrist or psychologist nearby to get a better solution.
- Pending to meet the “new one” or remarried for parents
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